The Sex Recession — And What Nashville Couples Can Do About It

Seven years into our marriage, Brittney and I hit a wall we didn't have a name for yet. The relationship was good. The love was real. But something in our intimate life had gone quiet in a way that neither of us quite knew how to talk about. We weren't in crisis. We were just… flat. Routine. Going through motions we'd rehearsed so many times they'd lost whatever charge they once carried.

It wasn't until we started doing the actual work — the intentional, curious, sometimes uncomfortable work of rebuilding our intimate connection — that we discovered what had happened wasn't unique to us. It was, it turns out, one of the defining features of modern intimate life.

Americans are having less sex. And Nashville couples are not exempt.

A couple sits on the bed, each lost in their own thoughts, highlighting tension and a longing for intimacy.

What the Data Actually Shows

The term "sex recession" was coined by journalist Kate Julian in a landmark 2018 piece for The Atlantic, and the trend it describes has only deepened since. According to research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior tracking General Social Survey data, the average American adult went from having sex 62 times per year in the 1990s to 54 times per year by the mid-2010s — a decline that has continued into the current decade.

A 2023 survey by the Kinsey Institute found that nearly 40% of adults in committed relationships reported being dissatisfied with the frequency of sex in their relationship. And according to the American Psychological Association's 2024 Stress in America report, stress — from work, finances, and the relentless pace of modern life — ranks consistently as one of the top disruptors of intimate connection in committed partnerships.

The sex recession is real. It is measurable. And it is quietly reshaping the intimate lives of couples across the country — including here in Nashville.

Why Nashville Is Particularly Vulnerable

Nashville's particular combination of factors makes the sex recession hit harder here than in many cities.

The professional intensity is real. Nashville added more than 32,000 new jobs in a single recent year, drawing ambitious professionals into demanding roles that don't pause for the intimate dimensions of their lives. When both partners are operating at high professional capacity, the intimate relationship absorbs whatever energy is left over — which is often very little.

The pace doesn't stop. Nashville is not a city that naturally creates breathing room. The culture here rewards forward motion, productivity, and achievement. Slowing down enough to be genuinely present — to be in a body rather than managing one — requires a deliberate act of will that Nashville's rhythm doesn't naturally support.

The faith culture adds another layer. Many Nashville couples carry inherited messages about sexuality and desire that were never updated for adult married life. Shame, silence, and the sense that certain conversations aren't quite appropriate create a ceiling on intimate aliveness that neither partner fully understands but both can feel.

And then there's what Brittney and I discovered in year seven: the simple, unglamorous reality that a busy life, if left unattended, quietly crowds out everything that doesn't demand immediate attention. Intimacy doesn't make noise when it's fading. It just gets quieter until one day you notice the silence.

What's Actually Driving the Recession

The sex recession isn't primarily about desire disappearing. It's about the conditions for desire being systematically dismantled.

Chronic stress and depletion.

A body under persistent stress does not prioritize desire. Cortisol — the primary stress hormone — directly suppresses the hormonal environment that supports sexual interest. When both partners are chronically depleted, the biological conditions for desire are compromised before the emotional and relational conditions even come into the picture.

Screen saturation.

The average American spends more than seven hours per day looking at screens. That time has to come from somewhere — and research consistently shows it comes primarily from sleep, physical activity, and face-to-face connection. The intimate space between partners has been gradually colonized by devices, and the passive stimulation of screens has become a default alternative to the more demanding work of genuine presence with another person.

The casualization of physical connection.

In long-term relationships, physical touch often gradually contracts from intentional, charged connection to functional affection — a quick kiss before work, a side hug in passing. The embodied, deliberately intimate quality of physical connection gets replaced by its logistics. This contraction happens so gradually that most couples don't notice it until the gap between where they are and where they want to be has become significant.

Unaddressed relational distance.

According to research from the Gottman Institute, unresolved conflict and emotional disconnection are among the most consistent predictors of declining sexual frequency in long-term couples. The body knows when the relationship isn't safe. Desire doesn't separate physical from emotional — it responds to the full relational environment.

What Brittney and I Did Differently

When we hit year seven, we made a decision that changed everything. We stopped waiting for things to naturally improve and started getting intentional.

We explored guided audio intimacy apps — experiences that guided us into presence with each other rather than leaving us to figure it out alone. We changed environments, introduced novelty, got curious about what each of us actually wanted rather than defaulting to what we'd always done. Brittney — a Sensual Erotic Blueprint — needed a very different kind of approach than what I naturally gravitated toward as a Shapeshifter. Learning that distinction alone shifted years of unnecessary friction.

The exploration we did in that season is what ultimately became Coelle — our guided audio intimacy platform. We built it because we couldn't find what we needed, and we knew we weren't the only couple looking.

The deeper lesson from that season wasn't any specific practice or tool. It was the simple act of deciding that this part of our lives deserved intentional attention. That decision — to stop leaving intimacy to whatever was left over — is available to every couple. It doesn't require a crisis to justify it. It just requires honesty about what's been going unattended.

Five Things Nashville Couples Can Do Right Now

1. Name the recession in your own relationship.

If your intimate life has become less frequent, less connected, or less alive than you want it to be — say so out loud to your partner. Not as a complaint. As an honest observation that something you both value deserves your attention. That conversation, however brief, is often where the shift begins.

2. Reclaim the physical environment.

Screens in the bedroom are one of the most consistent suppressors of intimate connection in modern relationships. The simple act of removing devices from the bedroom — or establishing a phone-free hour before sleep — creates space that most couples have allowed to disappear entirely.

3. Get curious about what you actually want.

The sex recession is partly a curiosity recession. Many couples have been having the same intimate experience for so long that neither partner is sure what they'd actually want if they thought about it honestly. Get curious. Learn about Erotic Blueprints. Read. Listen to a podcast episode of Do You Feel That? Start exploring what genuine aliveness in your intimate life could look like.

4. Invest in guided exploration.

One of the things Brittney and I discovered is that having a guide changes everything. Being led through an intimate experience — rather than having to generate all the creative energy yourself after a long week — removes a significant barrier. This is exactly what Coelle is designed for. A private, thoughtfully crafted audio guide to intimacy that meets you where you are.

5. Treat this as a relationship priority, not a relationship problem.

The reframe that matters most: the sex recession in your relationship is not a sign that something is wrong with you or your partner. It is a sign that something important has been going without the attention it deserves. Treat it as a priority worth investing in — the same way you invest in your health, your career, and your children's futures.

You Don't Have to Stay in the Recession

Brittney and I didn't. And the work we did in year seven — the curiosity, the exploration, the willingness to get intentional about something we'd been leaving to chance — is the direct reason Coelle exists today and the reason I do the coaching work I do.

The recession is real. It is common. And it is not permanent.

I work with Nashville couples who are ready to move out of it — not by forcing something that doesn't feel natural, but by rebuilding the conditions that make genuine intimate aliveness possible again.

Book a free discovery call and let's talk about where you are and what's available from here.

And if you want to begin exploring on your own first, Coelle was built for exactly this moment — guided audio intimacy experiences for couples who are ready to stop accepting the recession as permanent.

Scott Schwertly is a Nashville-based sex and intimacy coach, founder of Coelle, and co-host of Do You Feel That? with his wife Brittney.